" A SAD VALENTINES DAY "

Wow, its had been awhile since i have been online here, and here it is Valentines Day, about 6:22pm and I'm writing a blog, how about that.....lol

Well, this past year has been something else for me, I have struggled through the year dealing with work and the new management that has changed like 3 times, and the last ones real jerks, who care nothing about the employees and only how much money a bonus will put in their pockets.
The year had been slow, I still sit and wait for the one and only true love to come into my life, I have heard many promises and hopes, but to be honest, I feel my dreams are starting to fade away, as it seems as the year of 2008 came to an end, my whole life began to fall apart, and for one who has always tried to be the strong one in the family, that's a sad day for me...
At the end of Oct I had a mammogram that was way past due, so then in mid Nov i get a notice that they found something and to contact their office. My doctor told me it was probably a cyst but i had to go to a special mammogram place to have additional pics taken and then if they were not right, they would immediately do an ultra sound to look.
I broke down at work when i heard, and was crying and had to go home as anyone would imagine, and my boss acted as if he was caring, but found out that behind my back, he started treating me bad when told him would be missing days quickly without much notice when docs set up appts and i could not miss these days, and found out then that he was trying to set up firing me behind my back... what a way for things to be going..
So with shaky hands and tearful eyes, I called my daughter and told her what was happening, she was so very strong for me, and she went with me to the next appt, and yes, they did find the abnormality again and immediately set up a biopsy with ultrasound.
Oh my god, it was a scary thing to go through, to lay there poked and prodded on and to not know what the results would be, as you know docs, they wont tell you anything until all the results are in. So they numbed me up, put a small hole in me, and took a piece, and guess as the spot was small the doc went ahead and took the piece she was looking at out at the time.
I was very sore when was finished, and of course they told me i had to wait for results, I tried to work, they like were treating me like crap as had missed few days for the biopsy, and i was in bit of pain also, then got a call, it was not malignant, but there was something and they recommend another surgery to be done as soon as possible, by boss had a terrible look when told him that news...
So, guess what, here on the last day of the year, Dec 31st, New Years Eve, i had to go into hospital and have a breast cut into, let alone before the surgery i had to go and have a wire thing placed into my breast first, talk about scared and confusing times.
Surgery was over, they took more tissue area out, and they let me go home that night, so here on this last day of the year, i was in bed on couch all bandaged up and in pain... :(
and i started the New Year the same way, lol.. but a few days later they did call and tell me that it was not full cancer, but that my body was producing some cell thing that had a higher risk of cancer in the future, but they got the whole area they were worried about out, but that i would have to also take a medication for one a day for 5 years as an added precaution.
So YES, i am thankful it was not cancer, but at the same time YES, I'm a bit scared that i do have a higher risk, and never drink or smoke.... but that's life i guess.
the bandage area they put on me, caused a reaction and a blister across breast, so not only do i have a scar across breast right now, but possibly also another scar, farther across due to the bandage tape they used.... how crappy is that.
someone who told me love me and cared for me so so much, did not seem too concerned when told them about it, they have told me they want to be with me for the past 3 years and still are not, here it is valentines day and not even a word, says his cell not working....hmmm,, but not even an offline message through messenger :(, NOW HOW SAD IS THAT.
Found out even though I'm still out on LOA, my boss had put in stuff to try and fire me, so now have to find a lawyer who will work pro bono and go after them for health retaliation or wrongful termination when and if all is completed, just more crap to deal with, my blood pressure been up, so on meds for that, have not slept a good night sleep in months, so doc gave me meds to try and help that, not working that great as of yet...
Now, here is the new year upon us, still out of work, breast still scarred for now, as still healing, and I'M ALONE... every had a day you just want to sit and cry all day long?, that's how i feel I right now today, but i cant, as have one son who still lives here, and he been home, as no job yet, and i cant let him see me like that... so, instead, i have to hold all of this in, they have helped me some, and doc has me seeing someone to help me through this, but I WANT TO JUST CUDDLE UP IN COVERS AND CRY...
I have always tried to be a nice person, and i think i am, a bit overweight, but am slowly working on that, not for anyone, but for myself, but sometimes i feel, whats the use? you know,...
The only good thing so far this new year, is that i had a grandson born on Feb 5th, he is a cutie, and i love to hold him, makes me remember when all of my children were babies, how much i loved being and caring for them...
Anyway, i have to try and just let this day go by, not be too sad, but I'm tired of sitting and spending Valentines Day alone.....................
To each of you, I wish you all a wonderful Valentines Day, full of love and smile :)